The Ghost At My Side
by Alexinie
Summary: Fili leaves on a scouting trip alone much to Kili's concern. When things take a turn for the worse, it's Fili's thoughts of his brother that keep him alive and longing for a chance to speak with Kili one last time. Expected M in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Helloooo, phew here we go again! This is the first chapter in a fic that's run away with me from the tumblr prompt "For once Fili had gone scouting all alone. He is captured by orcs that torture him. He keeps his sanity by thinking about Kili. When his brother come and rescue him, after killing great many orcs, Fili is in a sorry state and Kili thinking his brother will die confess his love to him. Some tender love scene with a Kili mindful of Fili's wound, once healed of course." thanks anon for igniting my lazy imagination :D**

**Hope you like it...**

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The valley below rolled ahead lush and green, a brook trickled placidly beside wild flowers and the sunlight shone to the farthest reaches of the horizon. Still, Kili eyed the scene with suspicion.

"You're sure about this?" he asked for the hundredth time, helping to hoist a pack onto his brother's pony.  
"Yes!" Fili cried, perhaps sounding more exasperated than he meant to at Kili's well-meant concern "It's one night brother. I'm sure I'll survive a fire-fly attack and if those pesky rabbits swarm, I know where my sword is" he rolled his eyes and chuckled at Kili's frown.  
"I'm only making sure Fili. You know I'd come with you if you wanted. Why you're so stubborn to be alone I'll never know" he shook his head bemused.  
"I'm not stubborn. And I don't wish to be alone but it's high time one of us took a scouting trip alone. As heir I can hardly expect our people to follow me in the future if I appear weak." Fili smiled sadly at the other, and swung an arm around the dark haired dwarf's shoulder "I'll be back before you know it."

When the final satchel was secured and Kili checked, double checked and panicked that everything was as it should be, Fili waved goodbye to the rest of the company and their uncle before pulling his little brother into a bone-crushing hug.  
"You behave, okay? I don't want to come back to find Bombur's had to sit on you _again_ because you'd been at the mead a bit too enthusiastically!" the brother's laughed and Fili took it as his queue to depart as Kili's concern was momentarily weakened by his blush at the memory of his past name-day.

"That was one time Fili!" the brunette shouted at his retreating figure.  
"See that it remains so then." he grinned over his shoulder and threw a final casual wave to the company "I'll see you tomorrow, save me some supper you greedy pigs!" Fili called, and turned to the valley stretching out in front of him with a smile. He was going to enjoy this, he'd always liked scouting trips and after so long travelling as part of a group, he relished the thought of some time alone.

Kili meanwhile, watched his brother disappear over the crest of the hill with unease. He couldn't shake the bad feeling that played about his stomach as the idea of Fili travelling out alone for the first time.  
Not that he didn't trust in Fili's ability to protect himself of course, he was just of the opinion that two pairs of eyes worked better than one. And he didn't like having his brother further from him than his arrows could reach at the best of times, let alone in an unknown valley at night.  
"Kili, come" Thorin's gravely voice commanded and the younger turned to see his uncle's back disappearing into the forest beyond the company's camp.

Catching up quickly- he knew better than to keep Thorin waiting- he found himself beside an earlier stretch of the stream that he'd seen running along the valley below. The elder barely let him come to a stop before he began talking again, never lifting his gaze from the water.  
"I know you're anxious about Fili's leaving, Aule I remember the first time Frerin scouted alone. I don't think I slept until he returned" Thorin made a low noise that Kili assumed was related to a chuckle, though with his uncle, it was often hard to tell "but you must trust your brother to protect himself, he is your elder after all."

The dark blue gaze lifted finally to meet Kili's own and the younger nodded.  
"I know" he agreed seriously "I know he shall be fine, it's just strange to be away from Fili and not knowing what could be out there." Thorin rarely talked of Frerin if at all. Kili was touched that he'd taken the time to call him aside now, and despite himself he felt better after their brief exchange.  
"I would not risk a single dwarf in this company if I had even the slightest doubt in their abilities, you should know that better than anyone Kili" Thorin's eyes softened and the younger remembered with embarrassment his mother's argument with her brother over whether Kili had been too young to join his company until Thorin had been able to persuade her otherwise, stating that his skill with a bow was unrivalled amongst dwarves even twice his age. "Fili shall be back before first light and you will feel foolish for wasting such worry on his hide."

This time it was Kili's turn to laugh at Thorin's words and he smiled back at the dwarf who'd been a large father figure in his life. Before he could reply however, the elder gave a gruff nod and turned to return back to camp. _Ever a dwarf of many word_s Kili thought sarcastically, spending a few moments more after Thorin had left before returning himself, throwing stones into the trickling stream. Knowing the water flowing past him would soon flow past Fili also made him feel strangely connected to his brother.

Thorin was right, Fili would be fine and by the following morning their company would be complete again. Kili trudged back, heart feeling considerably lighter and his mind wandering to thoughts of what was for dinner that evening.

Still, perhaps he'd volunteer to keep first watch. Just in case.

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**Woo! Chapter one down, number two on it's way :) let me know what you think! Xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Howdy! Thanks for all the positive feedback on chapter one, I'm glad you liked it... Now on with chapter two! :D**

**P.S. Reviews are love ;D xx**

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It was near sundown when Fili's thoughts turned to supper. He had been away for all of three hours and already longed for some of Bofur's root soup. So far the journey had been... uneventful.

The wildest thing to happen had been a rouge hare running across his pony's path and making the poor animal jittery, almost throwing Fili onto the pebbled path. Yes, what a life changing thirty seconds that had been. Aside from that he'd been met with nothing other than green grass and everyday forestry.

His first thoughts of scouting out alone? Dull. Dull and rather uninspiring compared to his old bedtime stories.  
He wished Kili were here, his brother always filled silences with his nonsense rambling and easy laughter. Kili would have laughed at Fili's grumbling of an empty stomach and then magically have procured an apple from his tunic. The thought made Fili smile, yet it also made him sad. If being a leader meant he'd have to venture out alone to prove himself, what did that mean for his future?

Fili couldn't imagine a future without Kili at his side and neither did he want to. Kili was his brother, his best friend. Fili didn't see how being heir should change any of that and yet the possibility seemed more of an inevitability than chance. From birth the brunette had been at Fili's side and as much as he craved for that never to change, he didn't want Kili to be confined to being merely Fili's brother. He wanted Kili to grow and live and become everything they'd both dreamed of at nights throughout childhood; all the things that Fili would never be destined to become, as heir.

Being heir, of course was a huge honour and pride swelled in his chest at the knowledge that he'd one day lead their ancient race into a new age. Yet all the same, Fili would be a liar if he said he had never considered what his life would have been like if their uncle had sons of his own. Fili would never have been heir for one thing, and perhaps he and his brother would never have had to consider a life apart. That is until one of them met their _one_ that is; a cloud seemed to settle over Fili at the thought as it so often did at times he thought about Kili leaving him to take a wife.

Absurd and selfish though it was- of course he'd never step in the way of Kili's happiness- Fili had often led awake at night dreading the day he'd sleep alone and Kili's bed would belong to another. Brushing the thoughts aside, he shook the reigns of his pony and pulled his hood closer around himself. Night was drawing in and there were enough daemons lurking in the shadows without those of Fili's own mind clouding his abilities. He settled down into the saddle and continued along his way.

* * *

It was night time, when they had come.

The silence of the night air was broken only by the trickle of the stream and the usual scatter of nocturnal animals. His path was well lit by the moon, well into the centre of the sky by that point and Fili's senses were as relaxed as he dared keep them out alone like this. He moved in, sticking closer to the edge of the trees than strictly necessary in order to stay hidden in their shadows. Fili knew from experience, moonlight could often be as much a curse as it was a blessing in open valleys.

He hadn't heard their approach, but soon they were upon him and Fili found his pony rearing up dangerously as they were surrounded. Orcs, he realised with horror. At least fifteen of them, by his count and all looking at him with the same grotesque look of furious victory. This was not good. He was widely outnumbered and everywhere he turned, weapons stared back with their fatal gazes. Fili's heart sunk. There was no way out.

"What have we here then?" a lecherous voice crooned and Fili's eyes snapped to what must have been the leader of the clan. Great bulbous growths protruded from it's forehead in what looked to be stunted horns, green boils littered his face and the cracks in his blackened skin wept sickeningly "a young dwarf if I ever did see one and a pretty one too, ain't you?" the orc cackled, showing a truly impressive assortment of pointed teeth, in various states of rot that turned Fili's stomach to behold them. He's lost the ability to speak and yet reused to show the faintest inkling of fear- all his training had taught him that much, at least. "What's a young dwarf like you doing out all alone at night? You dwarfs don't ever travel alone, that I knows. So what I'm thinking, is where's the rest of the lot of you's, hmm?" the leader traced a nail down Fili's face and the blonde tugged away in disgust.

"Why should I tell you anything?" he spat, finding his voice and thanking Aulë it didn't break and betray his pounding heart to the group of jeering orcs that surrounded him.  
"So you don't deny you're not alone then" the orc grinned and hatred flared inside Fili. If only he'd been able to throw them off the scent of the company long enough for him to escape and return to warn them. Not that it would matter anyway, he'd probably be dead by sunrise. Fili whispered a silent goodbye to Kili before swivelling to meet their leader's gaze square on in defiance, shoulders back before hissing with the most venom he could muster "you better pray to whatever sorry maker brought about your creation that I _am_ alone, you _filth_."

That was when the mace had taken him from behind, and the world went black as he slumped forward into the hardened leather bridle, hand only halfway to the sword at his side.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey! Sorry this update's taken so long, I've worked every day this week and haven't had time to read- let alone eat- haha.  
Anyway, hope you enjoy this small chapter.. Please feel free to review! Xx**

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Kili was pacing beside himself with worry and nerves as frayed as the fingernails he'd all but bitten off throughout the night. He hadn't slept a wink, and tiredness only served to toy at his mind further. It was well past night now, Fili should have been back hours ago.  
Something must have happened. Something must have gone wrong.

His patience had just about snapped and he was tying the last string of his pack tight when he felt a shape move behind him.  
"Kili" Thorin's voice half warned half called and the younger turned with a sigh.  
"Something's happened, you know it must have! He should have been back by now and he isn't" he dropped his arms down to his side, meeting his uncle's eyes with worry in his own "why isn't he?"

Thorin sighed and with a tight expression on his face, trying to work out how to calm the nephew he'd watch grow up, knowing how strongly the brothers relied on one another. He decided that lying to the younger probably wasn't the best course of action to take. "It is worrying your brother isn't returned by now." his gaze turned to the valley below, sunlight creeping over the peaks in the hills "perhaps you aught to follow his trail a while, we'll follow later once camp is broken."  
Kili nodded hyper-actively fidgeting his fingers around the hem of his shirt "Okay. I think so too" he smiled reluctantly at Thorin, already half rushing to pack the last few things before stopping in his tracks and looking over his shoulder at the camp of dwarves "you don't think something really bad has happened, do you?" he asked, dread settling in the pit of his stomach.

"Fili will be fine." Was the stiff reply Kili received from his uncle "now off with you. The sooner you leave, the sooner you'll find Fili and we'll be on our way." The younger dwarf could see the strains of worry in the elder's face but brushed aside any mention of them or ideas to ease their mutual feelings, he knew it wouldn't do to question his uncle- as their leader he had to retain a level of composure at all times, after all.

The sun had barely risen in the sky when Kili set off, following Fili's earlier trail with attention that would shame a hawk. His heart raced as he moved further along the path and still caught no sign of his brother in the distance yet pushed his pony on further, harder, faster into the morning.  
It was only by chance that the sun had caught the tiny piece of metal as it had, causing Kili to pull his pony up sharply, dismounting in a flash to fall to his knees beside the tiny silver bead.

Fili's, he knew at once. He'd seen those beads every day for probably as long as he could remember- how could he not recognise it? Scooping the small piece of metal up from the dirt, worry once again surged through him, causing his heart to beat and his lungs to contract. _Where are you_? He desperately questioned in his mind, searching for a response through the mental link they'd often joked about as dwarflings running through the woodlands playing hide and seek.  
He knew there'd be no response, and yet she still ran cold when none came.

Looking up to scan the scene for signs of a struggle, his brows drew closer in confusion. Aside from the hoof prints of what he assumed to be Fili's pony, he saw no other tracks that would suggest an ambush, _What could have happened?_  
Re-mounting his copper, he continued along at a slower pace now, knowing that the smallest break of a stem or parting in the trees could shed some light on the situation. Though a few minutes later however, slow speed or not it would have been pretty damn hard to miss the sudden appearance of a dozen other hoof tracks around those Kili was following. The realisation of what must've happened hit the brunette like a brick.

Fili must have been ambushed. He realised, and that was bad. It meant that anything could've happened to his brother and Kili's eyes searched frantically for any other sign to what had happened next. He cursed himself for allowing Fili out scouting alone while he stayed warm and resting next to the fire. He'd practically allowed this to happen, and the surge of anger that ran through him at Thorin's lack of action didn't go unnoticed either.

Kili wished, not for the first time that day, that he was a better tracker- like some of the other dwarves in the company. Sure he knew the basics, yet his senses were nowhere near finely tuned enough to analyse the forestry as well as he could have. As the tracks angled west, Kili noticed that Fili's own disappeared into nothingness so his ambushers must have taken him from his pony, which would leave him with only the things he had on his person at the time. Knowing his brother, it wouldn't be a lot- Fili liked to travel light, keeping only a handful of weapons close and never carrying any form of food or drink that he might be needing now.

The young dwarf's mind was split. Did he return to Thorin and tell them of what happened? Or did he follow the group's tracks into inevitable danger in an effort to save his brother? The former would certainly be safer, but he couldn't be sure that if he didn't choose the latter, that Fili would make it long enough for him to get help. That was if he'd made it through at all of- No. He couldn't think of that.

A red smudge in the earth settled any questions in his mind. He knew that shade of red, a deep ruby that nothing could imitate It was blood. Fili's blood, he knew. That meant Fili was hurt, hurt and alone and probably without any way of protecting himself against his group of attackers. Turning the cold metal bead between his fingers, he prayed silently to any gods that might be listening that he wasn't too late.

Pushing his terror and worry aside Kili turned his pony sharply around- following the tracks of Fili's ambushers. Safe or not, he knew this might be the only change he'd have to save his brother.

* * *

With a sharp gasp of pain, Fili's eyes opened sharply to a haze of spinning colours and unfamiliar smells. A movement to his left sobered the dwarf and blinking a few times, he turned to assess the situation. A blinding pain to the back of his skull brought back a flurry of memories of the night before. Orcs. Ambush. His head. Pain.

He remembered falling, but nothing of what came after. His surroundings were inconspicuous and the type of countryside you'd never be able to tell apart from another area. Fili felt light-headed, he knew he'd lost a lot of blood, his dry chapped lips and scorching throat told him that if he didn't drink some water soon, he'd be in an even worse state. Tiny gashes littered his hands and forearms, rope burns searing at each wrist from the coarse rope that tied them tightly together to prevent him escaping.

From the direction of the noisy chatter, he assumed that his attackers had made camp behind the wall-like structure of boulders to his left. Charming, he thought, clearly his presence was so sickening to them that they'd all but hidden him from their sight when they had no need of him. No matter, a second thought soon followed the first. It meant that he didn't have to watch their grotesque faces at least.

Exhaustion pulled at Fili's bones and he knew from the sticky wetness that covered his back and shoulders that the amount of blood-loss he'd sustained meant he was in no position to fight his way free. Bruises littered his body too and the dwarf winced as he shifted to the other hip, relieving the pressure off his right from the cold hard ground.

Mind spinning again, he fought the prickling of tears to his eyes at the pain that enclosed around him. _Why hadn't they killed him already_? Surely they could see he was of no use to them, he'd never give them answers to their questions and he had no possessions on him that were worth any great sum of gold out in these mountain passes.

With a gasp, he blinked as a presence settled on his right and out of the corner of his eye Fili could see his brother crouching down beside him, a tight and concerned expression on his face. He knew that if he turned his head, the image would float away on the breeze so he paused exactly where he led. The hallucination Kili smiled softly, running a comforting arm down Fili's aching own and the blonde's heart felt a surge of warmth flow through it as the ghostly touch spread like sunshine across his body.

Kili. The dwarf longed to see his brother's face in person. To feel his hands clasp around his own and to hear his voice whisper that it would all be okay. Fili had long suppressed his secret desires for more than sibling love from his brother, the want to feel Kili's lips brush against his own and to share his bed for once not as a brother, but as a lover. Yet as he led there weak, confused and hurt, he felt all those wishes flood back like an unstoppable wave. And Fili allowed them to. For he knew in his heart that it wouldn't be okay, he was prepared to die here, cold and hurt. He knew now, that he wouldn't die at his brother's side at battle as they'd always expected. That was okay though, because Kili _was _here, and Fili knew he'd help him through.

He smiled, relieved as the image of Kili didn't disappear with time. Instead, as he led there growing weaker, Kili's presence only grew stronger and Fili knew that whatever was to come, he'd have his brother- at least in spirit- by his side. The blonde drew strength from that knowledge, so when they would come- and they would- he'd be able to resist their questions and the bite of their blades.

Just once, as he felt the icy grips of darkness claiming him once again to unconsciousness, Fili heard Kili's voice ghost against his ear like the wind: _I'm coming brother. Hold on. I'm coming Fili._


End file.
